Patient makes last stand

Portrait of grumpy senior man sitting on wheelchair looking at camera against grey background

Staff and patients at Sunderland Memorial Hospital were today witness to a remarkable spectacle as a patient attempted to attack a doctor, who having examined the patient and found no injuries, refused to amputate both the patients’ legs.

The patient, an avid reader of the Sunderland Echo, had arrived in A & E demanding amputation and demanding that it be carried out by a 31st October deadline. When questioned by staff as to why he wanted to lose both legs, Billy Eckaslike became agitated and started shouting, I’m British, I demand to have control of my own legs, Kenneth Moore didn’t need legs to fight Jerry and neither do I.

Mr Eckaslike told Doctors that he had been driven to hospital by a group of elite northern businessmen who fully supported the stand he was taking, unfortunately they hadn’t been able to stay with him as they were brokering a deal to sell his legs to an American Fast Food chain.

Doctors desperately tried to reason with the patient, pointing out the drawbacks associated with having no legs, but the patient insisted that his friends has reassured him that plans were fully in place to enable him to crawl wherever he wished after 31st October.

Mr Eckaslike, now purple with rage insisted that the whole of the UK should follow his lead and chop off their legs. Becoming more and more violent and shouting, off means off, off means Off, Billy was eventually sedated and has been sectioned under the mental health act, although it is understood the government may be asking him to become an advisor, claiming mental instability was considered an advantage with the new administration.

 

Hat-tip to Terry Bunn

Share this story...

Posted: Aug 11th, 2019 by

Click for more article by ..


© 2019 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer