HM Treasury has announced that to ensure fiscal stability in a post-Brexit economic rodeo the new 50p piece will minted from a compressed block of One Direction frontman Harry Styles’s luscious locks.
Treasury spokesperson Brent Hardy explains: “It’s prudent policy to underpin the value of post-Brexit sterling with a British commodity that performs consistently well across the exchanges, and it grows like Lance Armstrong’s bamboo.”
The coin will carry the monarch’s image in profile encircled with the inscription: ‘That’s what makes UK beautiful’.
The original phrase on the reverse was to be: ‘Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations’, now replaced by the more Brexit-appropriate: ‘Fragile peace, tax-free prosperity and arms-length diplomatic cordiality with selected like-minded corporate pseudo-democracies’.
Brent concludes: “The 50p will be the first in a series of revamps for UK legal tender. The 10p coin, is to be replaced by a 9 and 3/4p Harry Potter spectacle lens. Also, a new edible one pound, will be made of roast beef with Her Majesty’s head on one side and Pippa Middleton’s arse-print on the other.”