The criticisms come alongside the sudden and growing popularity of leadership candidate Jeremy Corbyn, whose honesty and principle have convinced voters that, even though he’s a politician, he might not in fact be a flip-flopping, power lusting snake-oil salesman.
‘It was a terrible idea to allow all those who support Corbyn to vote for him’ claims Acting Leader Harriet Harman. ‘It will undermine our reputation as a sensible, pragmatic party if we permit ordinary people to elect a party leader who actually represents their interests.’
Chair of the Labour Party Jim Kennedy was similarly scathing, and argues that the party National Executive Committee should play a greater role in choosing the next leader. ‘This system we have now’ he explained, ‘where we give equal power to each member, rather than concentrating all the power in a privileged elite: it’s ludicrous. It constitutes nothing more than mob rule. I mean, who do we think we are? The party of the masses?’
One of the party’s major donors also spoke to the press, bemoaning his inability to simply buy the leader that he wanted. ‘What has it come to’ asked the donor, who wishes to remain anonymous, ‘When a massive wad of cash is not enough to decide a leadership contest? I’ve offered Corbyn money, drugs, women—all of it if he’ll just go away. But he won’t take it! What on Earth could be motivating the man?’
As if tensions could get any higher, rumours are now circulating that, if Corbyn does win the contest, former leader Tony Blair is planning to invade the party and orchestrate a violent coup to depose him.