All snacks sold on British roadways will be made fit for human consumption by 2040, The Ministry of Transport, in conjunction with the major service station chains, has announced. The move is part of a Europe-wide campaign to phase out ‘dirty’ foods from petrol garages and stop-off food courts, but will also affect ‘hybrid’ meal deals containing both toxic sandwiches and palatable crisps.
Under the scheme’s timeline, by 2025, roads not reaching minimum snack standards will be closed, with travellers directed onto other routes. The Government will also be introducing a Ferrero Rocher scrappage scheme, in which unconsumed emergency gift-chocolates bought at garages before 1985 may be exchanged for vouchers to be put towards newer confectionary.
The scheme is the result of Europe-wide talks aimed at improving snacks across the continent, with only France vetoing on the basis that the plans do nothing to implement minimum cheese requirements for purchases. Critics have remained sceptical of the plan, pointing out that there are no signs that snack technology will be advanced enough to satisfy the average driver on long journeys without having to stop off several times at roadside burger vans. However, many travellers have already made the move from road to rail, deciding to take their chances with a Southern Rail Chicken Tikka Masala over Rustlers cheeseburger reheated next to the toilets.
Steve Parsons of the Association of Haulage Engineers told us: ‘Of course, the introduction of ‘clean’ food is a welcome thing – indeed, edible sandwiches have been on the market now for several years… but it is unfair to force drivers to make the switch. Needless to say, this will hit long distance lorry drivers the hardest, many of whom are now physically dependent on microwaved sausage rolls.’