Following his recent failed bid to buy Greenland from Denmark, it is understood Donald Trump has now set his sights on Postman Pat’s home village of Greendale.
Speaking at The White House Mr Trump said: ‘OK so we didn’t succeed with The Danes but I need to save face and buy somewhere so I’ve had a team of truly great realtors, just the very best people, working on this as a top priority since the Greenland deal tanked .’
‘They’ve now told me Greendale would be a real neat acquisition for the US and I want to put a strategic Air Force Base and golf course there once we’ve got it all signed off. I’ve set up talks with the Greendale’s President, Postman Pat, who by the way folks, has already sent me a letter. A very beautiful letter.’
‘You know Pat’s a friend of mine, we’re great buddies and he’s a guy I can really do business with. We’re gonna make a fantastic deal. A truly wonderful deal. Just the best. My kids Ivanka and Don Junior love him too and both have his fantastic TV shows on box set where he delivers Greendaleia’s mail along with his black and white cat, Jeff.’
But Pat’s colleague and co-worker no-nonsense postmistress, Mrs Goggins, has already slammed the plan telling reporters: ‘This just smacks of the ludicrous pipe dreaming of an imperialistic wannabe idiot. He is a simpleton man-child and a total laughing stock in and around Greendale, Chigley, Camberwick Green and beyond.’
‘However should he somehow succeed in acquiring Greendale and attempt to build his golf course then I for one will be the first to lie down in front of the bulldozers.’