Sir Elton John says he and husband David Furnish are planning to go ‘carb neutral’ in an effort to save the planet.
The chubby singer/songwriter said that from now on, every time he eats a pie he will offset the carb footprint by planting a stick of celery or munching on a carrot stick.
Sir Elton said that cutting out the calories meant he would be able to fly around the world in his private jet knowing he had already done the right thing. ‘Every time I fly to my villa in the south of France I will cut back on the trifle or lose a couple of treacle tarts’ said the multi award winning singer. ’That should more than offset any damage done to the environment by my jet’.
Environmentalists agreed that if Sir Elton skipped lunch or swapped his carb intake for something healthier he could indeed fly around in his jet for a few hours and the world would not suffer. ‘Yes, if Elton cut out a few dinners then that would certainly help save the planet’, argued nutrition expert Jason Beesley. ‘The amount of methane one of Elton’s double cheese burgers belches out in a day is far greater than any Gulfstream emissions. I think Sir Elton going carb neutral would really help save the planet’.
‘Sir Elton is deadly serious about saving the planet’, added his press spokesman. ‘Only this morning he has offset his bacon sandwich and bagels by sowing a bed of lettuce. You have to agree that is serious commitment.’
‘And before you ask, no, we don’t see travelling by private jet as a ‘guilt trip”, added the spokesman. ‘Not when you plant a couple of trees to offset any damage done. And yes, he will be sewing a bed of rocket….obviously.’
Sir Elton said he will be re-recording some of his biggest hits and donating the proceeds to charity
Tracks lined up so far include:
Crocodile Rock Cake
Kendal Mint Cake in the Wind
Goodbye Jello Cake Road
(More) Rocket man
Club Sandwich at the end of the Street
Saturday Night’s All Right for Chin Chin (not Japanese version)
Curry Seems to be the Hardest Word