Liz Morris, a Marketing Manager from Doncaster, is currently living in fear of people discovering that she is neither hip, nor cool due to the fact that she absolutely despises podcasts.
Despite being bang in the middle of the target age range for audio true-crime ‘investigations’, a biological woman whose womb is primed and ready to receive the maternal hot takes of broadcasting mummy bloggers, and an avocado-loving millennial – podcasts really aren’t her thing.
‘The trouble is,’ says the 32 year-old ‘podcasts form the basis of 89% of office conversation. The other 11% is taken up by Brexit and photos of Barry from accounts’ 5 adopted cats. So my only option is to pretend I know what everyone else is going on about in order to fit in.’
‘Even though it started harmlessly enough with me nodding enthusiastically to other people talking about My Favourite Cereal or something, my deception has crept into every other aspect of my life,’ says Liz. ‘When I go running I’ve got my earphones in and I laugh occasionally to look like my life is being enriched by the self aggrandisement of a comedian with a mic in their bedroom, when really I’m listening to sweet, sweet nothing.
‘I’ve also built an Anderson shelter in my garden and filled it with enough supplies to last me 10 years. I’ve let the neighbours assume I’m preparing for no deal, but really it’s for the inevitable day when I get found out by someone asking me what my favourite episode of My Dad Wrote a Porno is.’