Reports that President Trump repeatedly threatened to fire nuclear weapons to stop hurricanes, have been dismissed as alarmist, as he had not given up on finding a diplomatic solution first. While the nuclear option was a last resort, he first intended to speak to the hurricanes’ embassy and if need be withdraw their ambassador – who happens to be a moderate breeze from the Gulf of Mexico.
Trump laid out a raft of sanctions, including banning the lucrative wind trade, which funds the balloon and whoopee cushion industry. Sporting sanctions would involve no further wind assistance in the Olympics, while removing hot air from the Arts, could see the cancellation of the Oscars.
A White House spokeswoman said: ‘The President has not yet exhausted all peaceful means of resolving this conflict with cyclonic storms – but concerns are that talks have blown hot and cold. Likewise, he has not ruled out committing ground troops to the conflict, which will involve a small girl from Kansas and her dog Toto.’
Inspired by the science behind Godzilla, the President insisted nuclear weapons could be used to prevent other natural disasters – particularly a ‘Sharknado’. While others rejected Trump’s idea as fanciful, King Canute remarked: ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’