Boris Johnson will instruct the nation to suspend its critical faculties for the duration of his time as Prime Minister. He will formally ask the Queen to accept the surreal nature of having a buffoon in charge of the government and abandon all logic, realism and ‘hope, all ye who enter here’.
A Number 10 spokeswoman explained: ‘For the sake of enjoyment, its better if we suspend our disbelief and accept that BoJo the Dancing Clown is Prime Minister – and not just something interns write down as ‘name of father’ on birth certificates. Just accept the premise, that a cro-magnon man, with access to rudimentary tools, could have a column in The Spectator and his finger on the nuclear launch button’.
A scientist confirmed: ‘We call this cognitive estrangement; where the voters are so ignorant, they will elect anyone who got a laugh on ‘Have I Got News For You’.’ Whereas movie critics have lambasted the ‘Boris as PM’ narrative as far-fetched, saying that it was plot-device that George Lucas would have been embarrassed to use.
The idea of shutting down Parliament is known as prorogation, the idea of Boris as Prime Minister is known as purgatory. Interestingly, the last two times the Queen was asked to suspend disbelief was when the Duke of Edinburgh said he had attended a driving awareness course and when Prince Andrew said he was celibate.