‘We just drop thousand of knives in there. Sharp ones. The sharpest knives ever’, said President Trump, explaining to his meteorologists how they should ‘cut up’ hurricanes so they can’t land on America. ‘The knives will cut the hurricane up into tiny pieces. A tiny piece of hurricane is just a wind. We can handle winds’.
Some critics have suggested that blowing thousands of knives at Americans at speeds of over 100 mph might be dangerous, though probably safer than Trump’s previous plan to make hurricanes radioactive by nuking them.
‘Okay, how about superglue? We could drop tons of superglue into the eye of hurricane and all the air will stick to it and fall into the sea. Then we send frogmen in to kill it with harpoon guns. Bang. Dead. Or – we build a giant spacefan to blow the hurricane down into the ocean and then when it bobs back up again – millions of fish! The fish will slow down the hurricane, the hurricane drops the fish on land, people have fish to eat.’
‘Helium! We pump helium underneath the hurricane, the helium rises – that’s what helium does – and pushes the hurricane further into the sky, it flies right over America and lands on one of the other countries. Problem solved’.
‘How about a wall?’
President Trump isn’t a fully qualified scientist.