The distinguished screen actress and part-time monarch, has had her home besieged by bewildered muggles, claiming that she should never have let Boris Johnson have his wicked way with the Magna Carta or agree to star in the sequel to ‘Red’. Not only have these addled voters misunderstood the powers of a constitutional monarch, they have failed to remember that in 2009 Diana Quick also played a perfectly serviceable Elizabeth II.
Brandishing his jubilee mug, said one confused voter: ‘I don’t understand, why the Queen isn’t helping us? If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought she was just a rich old lady in fancy castle. And why does she now look like the woman from Prime Suspect? And why does she keep talking her top off?’
Dame Helen’s agent was quick to respond: ‘Despite being a chameleon-type actor, my client is not the actual Queen.
The gathered voters replied en masse: ‘Yes, she is, we saw her in the Madness of King George’
‘No that, was Queen Charlotte’
‘Still a Queen, though’.
‘Yes, but Helen Mirren, the real Helen Mirren, doesn’t have any powers to effect Parliament or protect democracy’
‘Just like a Queen then’.