Man horrified his best friend is not an assassin, he just plays the violin


A man is reeling at the revelation that his best friend since childhood is a professional violin player and not a government assassin with a regular kill list.  Colin Dobson said:  ‘Dave was always really cagey about his job – he used to do that Maverick from Top Gun thing, ‘I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you’ schtick.’

‘We’d all go, ‘alright 007, don’t shoot!’  Ah, how we laughed.  We assumed he was just nondescript self-employed like the rest of us, obviously.  After a while he got really tetchy about it. Then I saw him in a tuxedo carrying one of those weird shaped, black briefcases and looking well shifty.’

‘I thought, well, what else could it be?  Holy sh*t-balls, my best mate’s only an assassin, the absolute legend.’

‘Actually, no.  He plays the violin, the utter bellend.  Yep.  No word of a lie.  I followed him.  He didn’t Jason Bourne some pr*ck on a roof top.  Nah, mate.  He minced on to a stage with some other clowns in tuxedos and took out his instrument – yeah, I wish it was a euphemism.’

‘So, I had to sit there listening to him play f*cking Mozart for an hour, wondering how I was going to explain this to the darts team.  Horrific.  I mean, ‘The Magic Flute’ was bad but he absolutely butchered ‘Eine kleine Nachtmusik.’

‘He’s so dead to me.’

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Posted: Aug 30th, 2019 by

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