Remain Plan B: substitute Cummings with Cumberbatch

Cumberbatch

In a leaked memo, the remain strategy group have confirmed that their only real prospect of derailing Brexit is to sneak Benedict Cumberbatch into Downing Street and have him replace Dominic Cummings. ‘He did it on TV, why not in real life?’ asks the document.

Early trials in a TV mock up of Number Ten haven’t gone well. Although the acclaimed actor has been able to immerse himself in the Cummings character space to the point of shouting at the tea girl in between takes, he drops out of character and starts calling Priti Patel and Boris Johnson lookalikes ‘luvvy’ after intense bouts of speech. ‘Cummings is very unlikely to call anyone luvvy, he’s from Durham, for Christ’s sake’, states the memo.

The remain strategy group had originally intended to sneak in an actor to pretend to be Boris Johnson, but scrapped that idea when they realised that Boris is likely to screw up the job better than any actor could.

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Posted: Sep 2nd, 2019 by

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