An over ambitious circus clown who replaced the outgoing ringmaster as head of the Tory Big Top has found the step up from comic entertainer to master of ceremonies far more demanding and difficult than he could ever have imagined.
Bojo the Brexit Clown – a slapstick comic character known for his bumbling delivery style, his posh quips and blonde tousled hair – took charge of the Tory Big Top just a few weeks ago. But within days of taking over the role of Ringmaster, the clown had not only lost his slender majority but had seen several other clowns resign and join a rival circus.
BoJo had longed to be the circus ringmaster all his life and had plotted and back-stabbed his way through the party ranks, cutting safety nets and slashing the trapeze wire until he finally landed the top job he so lusted after.
But it seems within days of taking over the role of ringmaster, the old bluff and bluster had gone from his routine and nobody was laughing any more. To be fair, he did try. As usual, the doors fell off the big red Brexit bus as it swerved dangerously out of control….the hooter honked alarmingly as it got closer to the cliff edge and all the Tory clowns got egg on their face…..but the trouble is…this time they were not meant to.
None of that was part of BoJo’s script. He tried to conjure up the old magic, he tried to get the audience laughing along at his crazy antics.…but now the awkward bumbling routine came across as incompetence, the tousled hair gag looked tired and the posh quips belonged to a different era.
This time when he got in the ring, instead of his boots being too big for him…BoJo found he was too big for his boots…..instead of squirting water, his buttonhole squirted toxic bile…..and now he was the one having to jump through burning hoops.
At ringmaster’s question time, BoJo strode up to the lectern and started to deliver his hackneyed old spiel. But within seconds the clown had fallen into a bucket of pretend water left there by the clown on the other side of the floor. He looked round for someone to clear up the mess he had made….but all the cleaners and contract workers had already left the ailing circus and gone back to their homes across the Channel.
And now….to make matters even worse….some people are warning that if there was a snap election tomorrow, BoJo might not be invited back to perform in the big top ever again. With a woefully thin majority and his opponents certain to target his extremely plump seat, he is no longer certain of enough support to survive the next barrage of custard pies.