In a heart breaking interview with Teen World Magazine Jo Johnson bares his soul and tells his young fans what it was like to grow up as a younger brother of Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister.
Having recently resigned as Minister of State for Universities, Jo said that Boris had bullied him all his life and that he had finally had enough. Holding back the tears, Jo recounted the famous bed wetting incident, when having pissed the bed, Boris dragged his sodden mattress into Jo’s room and swapped Jo’s mattress for his. The result, Jo received a sound thrashing while Boris looked on smirking and shovelling Jelly Tots into his enormous mouth.
Boris was nearly 36 at the time, said Jo. But that was typical of Boris, he would lie, cheat, put himself before everyone and anything, that’s why my father told him to go into politics, said he was made for it, said he’d make PM one day.
‘My sister Rachel, is also in politics and bounces from one political party to another on a daily basis. She isn’t afraid of Boris like I am and she would regularly get her boyfriends to beat him up if she found him going through her purse or caught him abusing one of her 14 cats. At a recent wine and Cheese party held at Downing Street, Rachel caught Boris rifling through her handbag, he made an excuse, said that he needed a condom urgently.’
‘My brother Leo has the right idea, he doesn’t have anything to do with Boris, he dyes his hair and tells people his name is Quimby, he doesn’t want anyone to know that he is a Johnson. Only last week when Boris had hired a mini bus to take all of his children to a book signing, his new offering, Honesty, Truth and Integrity are my Watchwords, Leo feigned a heart attack. He’d rather undergo open heart surgery then be seen within ten miles of Boris.’