Johnson’s hair resigns from his head

Boris Hair

Current Prime Minister Boris Johnson suffered yet another body blow today as his distinctive blond hair announced it was resigning from his head.

The messy coiffure issued a statement saying: ‘I can no longer support the direction the rest of Boris Johnson is going. As the most distinctive part of his anatomy, other than perhaps that rictus grin whenever he opens his mouth to lie, sorry I mean speak, I cannot in good conscience continue to be party to it.’

The announcement capped a disastrous week for Johnson that also saw him lose several votes in Parliament, his majority and even the support of his brother Jo.

Sporting his new bald head, Johnson attempted to make light of the loss however, telling reporters: ‘I’ve always been envious of the wonderful shine that Sajid Javid manages to generate on his head, so I’m looking forward to giving it a go myself. Besides, Dominic told me bald heads are best, and he’s always right about everything, isn’t he?’

Johnson’s former hair later took to Twitter to deny suggestions by Tory supporters that the real reason for it’s resignation was because it was fed up of being compared to Donald Trump’s hair, saying: ‘I’ve met Donald Trump’s hair on a number of occasions and I’m far more lustrous, more full-bodied and much less racist.’

Nevertheless reports from the USA suggest that the tousled barnet is now looking forward to pursuing new opportunities away from the world of politics. ‘I’ve always wanted to act. My agent is already in discussions with broadcaster HBO and despite my many differences with Trump’s wig we are both to star in a new hard-hitting no holds barred cop show with the working title Shortback and Sides.

 

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Posted: Sep 7th, 2019 by

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