Alexa to become House of Commons Speaker

Screenshot 2019-09-09 at 17.10.34

With John Bercow preparing to step down, MPs have said they want the new Speaker to be impartial and to be able to play Spotify. To this end, Alexa can offer immerse democracy in every room, crystal clear Harumphing and still tell Andrea Leadsom to ‘stfu’ at the press of a button.

Small and compact – like Mr Bercow – the new speaker system will stream a Hansard approved playlist to all the groovy MPs. While Jacob Rees Mogg is talking, it will just play German Death Metal.

It comes with a collection of additional features, such as wifi pairing; although do not be surprised if the Tory Whip conveniently forgets pairing exists. Also, like the last Speaker, it is mountable, as Sally Bercow can attest.

There had been complaints that the old Speaker system could not always be heard over the shouting and only played the one tune – Remain. However, a salesperson for Alexa assured us: ‘The PM has requested this Speaker sound more like a Hard Brexiteer…so we’ve basically strapped a farting goose to a megaphone’.

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2019 by

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