Piers Morgan spontaneously combusts

piers-morgan-pants-on-fire

The broadcast media world is said to be in a state of ‘totally pissing itself’ after Piers Morgan, spontaneously combusted live on ITV’s Good Morning Britain breakfast show this morning, leaving nothing behind but a charred pile of steaming bile. Pretty co-host Susanna Reid could only look on in horror.

Morgan had just worked himself into particularly self-righteous lather about a group of LGBT vegans who were found to have been scrounging benefits and wanted a second Brexit vote, when smoke started to pour from his ears. Despite what some have described in subsequent press releases as ‘frantic’ efforts to avoid disaster, Morgan went up in a sheet of purple and lime-green flames before showbiz reporter Richard Arnold could get to him with a fire extinguisher ‘to put him out’.

An ashen-faced Reid then had to fill until producers could cut to an impromptu ad break. However, when the show came back on-air, Richard Madeley was already seated beside Susanna and they both carried on until 9.00 as if nothing had happened. She then handed over to Lorraine Kelly, saying ‘Isn’t it awful what happened to Piers?’ and Kelly said ‘Yes’ in a deadpan voice.

Speaking to reporters later Ms. Reid said: ‘Gosh, yes, it was quite a shock and it taxed our resources to the utmost, but in true showbiz tradition the show had to go on, and I am pleased to say that Richard has now signed a contract to become my new co-host. So,you know, every cloud….As Piers was such a self-effacing and modest man, all of us on the programme are sure he’d be delighted with Richard’s swift appointment, and also very happy that we intend never to mention him, or indeed his unfortunate demise this morning ever again. We know that’s what he definitely would have wanted.’

Meanwhile GMB sources have said Reid told colleagues that she is once more looking forward to getting a word in edgeways during the show, while pretty occasional co-host Charlotte Hawkins was seen clutching an onion to her immaculately made-up face as she left Television Centre after the ill-fated broadcast.

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Posted: Sep 12th, 2019 by

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