Man refuses to leave holiday mindset


A pledge by a Telford man to foster the relaxed, chilled atmosphere from his recent holiday to Gran Canaria continues to go well, it was revealed today.  The idea first occurred to Steve Vickers while reading the self-help guide ‘Flying home? Fly high’ on his hotel-room balcony; subsequently he has vowed to ignore reality, mortgage payments and the fact no one can understand his pidgin Spanish.

‘Things couldn’t be better,’ reported the hand-drier salesman, stretching his feet out under his office desk, and helping himself to a small beaker of beer from his own supply of ‘local’ brews.  ‘The food regime is challenging, I have to admit.  I’m making three big cooked meals a day, topping these up with some mid-morning snacks, cakes at 4pm, and sandwiches which I bring out at 11pm, in case the family are hungry.  Last night, for dinner, I served up chicken curry, on a bed of chilli con carne, with a pork chop wedged on the side, which went down surprisingly well.’

Vickers believes his family have also bought into the idea of trying to extend their positive holiday vibe, although it hasn’t been without challenges.  ‘I must have told my wife Samantha 10 times that she can only have the branded wine after 6pm,’ noted Steve. ‘Worryingly, she hasn’t left any tips yet, even though I’ve left the gratuity box in a prominent position as you leave the kitchen.  Still, I’ll reserve judgement until after she’s experienced our famous gala buffet tonight.’

‘I’ve also had a few problems, particularly with shopping,’ indicated Vickers. ‘I’ve had to get a friend to remove all the copies of the Guardian and the Mirror from the local newsagents to recreate the holiday choices of the Sun or Mail.  Also, do you know how difficult it is in the UK to find a bottle opener with a huge wood carved penis attached with ‘Playa Blanca’ written down the shaft?  Pretty much impossible.  Believe me, I’ve asked in every Tesco.’

It is at work where the 41 year old feels he is reaping the most benefits of his new philosophy.  ‘It’s been a stress free first month back in the saddle, to be honest, as my auto-reply directs all email to Pete over there,’ said Vickers. ‘Colleagues have also been surprisingly good about my request for a sun lounger near my desk, although getting that authentic fog of cigarette smoke from a stranger who sits uncomfortably close to you, absent-mindedly scratching his bollocks in a pair of speedos has been tricky.  Now, do you mind if I get on?  I’ve got Petanque at 2, then a couple of chapters of Jack Reacher, followed by an ultimately awkward chat with a couple from Birmingham whose casually racist views will only become apparent after we’ve agreed to sit at the evening entertainment together.’

Share this story...

Posted: Sep 14th, 2019 by

Click for more article by ..

© 2020 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer