Bookshops reported record queues and sales of newspapers reached new levels, as millions of British people were finally given the chance to hear once again from their mentor, their leader and their guiding light in life; former Prime Minister David Cameron.
‘It’s been awful not hearing from the great man who called the Euro-referendum three long years ago’ said school dinner lady Janet Harris from the Isle of Wight. ‘It was such a canny political move that solved all Britain’s problems at a stroke and brought peace and harmony to our divided land. But then rather than hog the limelight and take all the glory, he modestly stepped back from public life to allow others to enjoy the benefits from his good governance. He deserves a final victory lap after all this time.’
As he finally emerged from his humble shed in his Cotswold back garden, a blushing David Cameron was carried on the shoulders of grateful voters towards the bookshops where entranced customers were already eagerly reading and nodding in agreement with every word. Small children high-fived the former Prime Minister, the homeless stood up and applauded as he passed, queues at food banks were abandoned as the crowd swelled and thousands followed him to the London bookshop where he was due to sign copies for his awaiting fans.
‘Of course, that makes so much sense…’ said bookshop owner Maggie Johnson, as she finished Chapter One ahead of all her jealous customers. ‘His explanations for why he called the referendum ring so true. I mean there was one mad drunken old woman who said that Cameron was the last person we wanted to hear from right now. Poor old dear was slurring something about the referendum being ‘an ill-thought out massive gamble by an arrogant, public school chancer’ which ‘put the divisions of the Tory Party ahead of the welfare of the country’. Or something like that; it was hard to hear her over all the cheering every time Cameron gave us another modest little wave.