Brexit dividend to include Opal Fruits and dog crap on the beaches

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The Prime Minister has been making a strong case for the benefits of returning to pre-EU days; which include smoking in restaurants, Marathon Bars and asbestos in every classroom. Being able to roll-back EU legislation will allow us to reclaim our national identity, by doing French O-level the way it was meant to be done – with little enthusiasm and no intention of actually using it in real life.

Mr. Johnson’s proposes traditional delights, such as the original handball rule, enjoying Gary Glitter songs and being a little bit racist. Sunday afternoons will go back to feeling wet and grey, while all puddings will involve industrial strength suet.

Said one coherent voter: ‘The EU has brought me nothing but grief and too much garlic. Twenty-eight days paid annual leave a year? Rubbish. Who wants paid leave? Its political correctness gone mad. And data roaming charges? I didn’t fight at Dunkirk, just to have a cheaper mobile bill. True, I didn’t actually fight at Dunkirk. But that was because of a poor phone signal and the fact I’m only in my forties’.

Finally, Britain can call Cif Jif and Ulay Olay – which admittedly all sounded a bit foreign to begin with. ‘I say to hell with Starbursts. Nissan? No thanks, bring back Datsun. Although you probably can’t literally bring Datsun back, as they’ve all relocated to Bruges’.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2019 by

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