Pirates from all around the world have united in protest against Cornwall after their residents chose to speak properly, for one day only, on International Talk Like a Pirate Day. The 19th of September has become established over several years as an opportunity to embrace the culture, bloodthirsty terrorism and West Country accent associated with piracy. But in a provocative act of defiance, many Cornish people spent the day saying ‘Hello’ instead of their customary ‘Ahaaarrrrrhhh moi luvver’.
The action upset many different types of pirates, united in their disappointment that their local yokel pirate-speak was not endorsed by those to whom it comes so naturally. A spokesman for The Pirates of the Caribbean said that the Cornish people should express their gratitude, especially after the film inspired by their homeland, At World’s End.
‘We foreverrr thaaaaght we could depend on them scurrrvy land-lubbing dogs to parrrticipaaayte,’ added a cutlass-wielding (ok, gun-toting) Somali pirate from aboard a recently-captured British sailing craft. ‘But we hearrr that even the Cornish aerrrobics instructorrrrrs spake of exerrrcises to worrrrk the glutes rather than reduce avaaaaast behoind.’
The Cornish people claim that the protest was justified, however. Spokesman John Silver of Redruth explained that they were fed up with thieves, buccaneers and those who cause peril on the high seas trying to adopt Cornish accents. ‘We don’t wish to be associated with such brigands, they’re nothing to do with Cornwall, Luke warm pasties, disappointing surfing and drunken students celebrating their A’ Level results. The people of Cornwall will spend Speak Like A Pirate Day, speaking impeccable received pronunciation English, oooh arrrr – oh dammit.’