Robin Hood resigns due to ‘disillusionment’ with job

admits he's lost control of Nottingham

Robin Hood, famous for his job as a ‘fiscal re-distributor’, has announced his resignation from the role having last week expressed his concerns about his job publicly for the first time.

‘I took this job for noble reasons,’ he said. ‘The idea of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor appealed to my socialist ideals. I didn’t really care for the salary, or the living conditions. For me it was all about a communist ideal, good friends, and outdoor living.’

However, after time doubts started to emerge, ‘I started to realise that maybe I was being naive,’ said Mr Hood, ‘the rich weren’t always the wealthy capitalist oppressors that I thought they would be. And the poor were hardly the paragons of virtue. They started giving me shopping lists, like plasma televisions, Kappa tracksuits and Nike trainers. I would be particularly annoyed when they would waste a large portion of the money I gave them on drunken, violent nights out in the city centre.’

Mr Hood’s views of the wealthy also changed during his employment, ‘I grew to learn that most of them were doing highly stressed, highly responsible jobs, and that much of their income was being spent on their day-to-day living. They had mortgages, families and other financial commitments. On top of that, they were mostly well-educated and interesting to talk to. I began to feel guilty for my crimes against them.’

Mr Hood’s employers said that the news had been a shock to them, but said that they had been considering making him redundant anyway. ‘After all’ they said, ‘the poor seem more than capable of robbing from the rich themselves these days.’


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Posted: Sep 19th, 2019 by

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