Septuagenarian ex-hippies are in shock today at the news that all their Sixties psychedelic experiences were the imaginary results of sugar pills and squares of lemonade-soaked blotting paper. Newly released documents reveal that the whole Flower Power experience was a giant pharmaceutical experiment where the hippies were the control group.
Sir Paul McCartney has admitted that large tracts of the Sgt Pepper album may have to be redrafted in the light of this bombshell revelation: “I mean, it’s a bit ridiculous talking about ‘tangerine trees and marmalade skies’ when you’ve ingested nothing stronger than a cup of PG Tips”.
Big Pharma has apologised to the thousands of former acidheads who thought they experienced nirvana after popping a starch tablet. Many have accepted a lifetime supply of blood pressure tablets in compensation. Meanwhile, the surviving members of the Grateful Dead are to be given free hip replacements to atone for the embarrassment of having turned out 98 “LSD-inspired” albums over the last half-century.
Many Sixties veterans are now reported to be too ashamed to go out, having spent decades talking about their drug-induced Zen mystical experiences. A mortified Phil Maddox, 69, has bored thousands of people with his story about tripping at the Isle of Wight Festival in 1970: “The Horned Beast of the Apocalypse stared me in the face all through Jimi Hendrix’s performance of ‘All Along the Watchtower’, I told them. Of course, being from Birmingham, I’d never seen a cow before”.