Labour’s NEC has announced it is not abolishing the Deputy Leadership but will make the role of Tom Watson more diverse, democratic and decentralised, so that it can be shared by all the people who aren’t called Tom Watson.
‘Let me be quite clear: There is no factional campaign within the party to oust Tom Watson,’ said Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. ‘In fact, we want to help him in his role by easing his heavy burden and appointing his more strenuous responsibilities to a ‘People’s Tom Watson’.
‘It is anachronistic that today, a stunning 100% of people who are Tom Watson hold the role of Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, despite making up just a tiny proportion of the population. This is a vast injustice to the majority of ordinary working people of this country, almost all of whom are not Tom Watson, who barely get a sniff at the role.’
‘This is elitist to say the least, which is why, after consulting with our superiors in Momentum, we propose that the entire Tom Watson sector is to be broken up and redistributed to the masses, with its many assets, such as desk, desk tidy and chair, to be available to all. This will be followed by additional measures to ensure that every child in Britain can be the weight-losing MP for West Bromwich East who makes rash statements about alleged paedophile rings.