Palace officials have today confirmed that, in addition to misleading her Majesty about the legality of proroguing Parliament, Boris Johnson also took the opportunity to sell her a dodgy timeshare in Majorca.
“It sounded so nice,” said the Queen in an official statement. “And one does get tired of going to Balmoral every year. One can have enough of midges.”
“But when we got there, the place was only half built. Apparently the builders hadn’t been paid in months, so they’d all buggered orf.”
“We found a hotel, but Philip kept complaining about the ‘bloody dago food’, so I thought it best we just came home.”
Not surprisingly, her Majesty was frosty-faced next time she met the CEO of Johnson’s Independent Trading (New York – Paris – Uxbridge and South Ruislip). However, he won her round with his contrite explanation that he’d been let down by local contractors he wouldn’t be working with again. He also said he had a new investment opportunity for her concerning an exiled Nigerian prince, and could she perhaps pass a law saying that parliament had to consist entirely of Old Etonians?