Reminiscent of the time when IRA officials were not allowed to be heard speaking on TV, media outlets have announced that because everyone is so fed up listening to Boris Johnson trotting out an endless stream of bumbling incoherent drivel, in future all of his public utterances will be ‘voiced’ by a circus clown who will use a selection of air horns to convey the Prime Minister’s views.
In his first appearance before the cameras in America to comment on the decision of the Supreme Court who ruled he had lied to Her Majesty and the people over the proroguing of Parliament, Mr Johnson was accompanied by Mr Cheeky Chuckles the Cheerful Chappy.
He then whispered a brief statement to Mr Chuckles who subsequently tooted: ‘Parp-parp… burmff. Parp… blare… squeak-squeal-squawk. Parpity parp-parp-parp. Buroooof.’
The briefing concluded with Mr Johnson smashing a custard pie into one correspondent’s face at which point his trousers then fell down and the doors blew off his waiting limousine when the radiator exploded.
Reporters leaving the meeting were quick to praise the new system with many saying it was a massive improvement to finally have something more coherent coming from the government.