A study reported in the British Medical Journal claims to have found a causal link between reading ‘certain tabloid newspapers and early onset coronary disease.’ In particular the study finds that habitual use of tabloids in the Inflammatory Group of newspapers, noted as being the Daily Mail, Daily Express and some variants of the Beano, can lead to elevated blood pressure levels, increased incidence of angina-like symptoms and full-blown heart attacks in some instances. ‘There doesn’t seem to be any statistically significant increase in mortality, unfortunately,’ said one researcher.
Complicating factors in the control group appear to be age related and include having the papers delivered and postal voting. ‘Lack of exercise is a known contributory factor and the report recommends that newspaper deliveries should only be authorised after a medical examination and assessment of their voting intentions,’ the study recommends. The study also found an increased propensity to vote Brexit amongst the control group, however Alzheimer’s has been discounted. ‘There was little measurable brain function to start with,’ noted the report, ‘so we couldn’t identify any loss of function as a result.’