Guilty Rees-Mogg not going down without a frightful fuss


Jacob Rees-Mogg – the seven-foot, six-stone toff guy in the crew that Boris Johnson put together for the Balmoral job – has reacted with genteel gusto and slender vigour to the Supreme Court’s guilty verdict on a charge of scamming a wealthy old lady and nobbling her business in Westminster.

On hearing the ruling handed down by the eleven unanimous judges – for a crime that he and the Downing Street mob of professional rogues claim they did not commit – Rees-Mogg is said to have blown his top hat and completely lost his silk handkerchief.

“You’ll never take me alive, constables!” was the cry of defiance heard coming from Rees-Mogg’s private chapel of the Blessed Saint George on the morning of the damning verdict, and was soon followed by the dreadful sounds of an unjustly judged Christian soldier preparing himself for total war.


Rees-Mogg’s furious lust for righteous vengeance is expected to take him as far as one of his Jacobean drawing rooms, where he threatens to spill claret on any pouffe that gets in his way, and continue his assault on the livelihoods and welfare of 65 million British citizens

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2019 by

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