Mother Nature begs all humans to kill themselves

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In an emotional speech to world leaders at the UN in New York, Mother Nature pleaded with humans everywhere to do the right thing for the sake of Planet Earth and end their lives.
“It’s simple,” stated a tearful Mother Nature. “You’re not welcome anymore. You’ve hacked down the forests, polluted the oceans and plundered the bounty of resources offered on this beautiful planet. If you really want to ‘save the planet’ then please, I beg of you all, kill yourselves.” The human leaders gasped in shock and bewilderment as Mother Nature displayed a graph showing an uncanny correlation between human population growth and carbon emissions.
“There were 2 billion of you guys in 1900,” added Mother Nature. “It took you 150,000 years to get to that point. Now there are 8 billion of you, the difference added in just 120 years.” Open mouthed, the humans muttered amongst themselves as they gazed at a line showing a 20 fold increase in carbon emissions since 1900.
“So the evidence is clear to see,” summarised Mother Nature. “If you go away, everything will be great. You seem to have no shortage of ideas for killing each other, so feel free to use those bullet things you like to fire at each other, or bombs or any other means. And if you need my help then I’m only too happy to oblige. Perhaps a tsunami, earthquake?”
While the human leaders thanked Mother Nature for her contribution, they continued with their current policy of adding 200,000 of the species to the planet each day.

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Posted: Sep 27th, 2019 by

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