Former Mr.Universe champion now puny tech nerd


A former scaffolder from Luton has realised a lifelong ambition and turned himself from Mr. Universe finalist into a puny, pigeon-toed tech nerd. Greg Michaels, now a computer programmer at BASystems, says it took him months of intensive training to turn himself from a ripped, muscle-bound Adonis into a palid douche bag.
Although once involved in a steamy relationship with a former Miss Universe, Greg denies ever having had a girlfriend and maintains he is still a virgin. After setting up an internet business trading baseball cards, Greg took to reading comics and Sci-Fi magazines in his bedroom, collecting Tron memorabilia and playing Legend of Zelda on his console. It was not until the 9 year old girl from across the road started bullying him was the increasingly reclusive Greg finally able to look himself in the mirror.

Greg, who used to feast on 10 or 12 carb-heavy designer meals a day says he now snacks on pot noodle and string cheese. ‘At first, coming down off steroids was a problem’ admitted the 9st weakling ‘but then one of the Stormtroopers from the Death Star chatroom put me on to Haribos and it was easy from there’.

Although virtually housebound, the former life guard says he still enjoys an occasional day on the beach with the guys from despatch. ‘They get bored after a few minutes and start kicking sand in my face. They make my life a misery. One of the lorry driver guys pulled my shorts down in front of the girls from accounts and they all started laughing at my tiny wiener. It was totally humiliating, that’s when I knew I had finally arrived as a tech nerd’.
Just 12 months ago Greg was winning first prize in body building competitions across the UK but now claims to be suffering from Asperger Syndrome and rarely leaves home without his mom. Greg admits it is not easy for a guy with a ripped and tanned body to become a weedy geek overnight . ‘All you need is a complete lack of self esteem and zero social skills’ said Greg ‘but if you find that’s not working out for you, just try moving to Luton’.

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Posted: Sep 27th, 2019 by

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