First ever Brexitbury Festival planned

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Cummings Enterprises have announced plans for a new people’s festival, Brexitbury, to be held on the site of a former car factory, the exact location will be announced as soon as the site becomes available.

The proposed 3 day festival is promising to be a celebration of traditional British life and culture, featuring Music, comedy, Arts and Crafts and blood sports.
Although planning is still at the early stages, Cummings has already signed up, The Black and White Minstrels and Vera Lynn for the music stage and a Bernard Manning tribute act, with proper jokes, for the comedy tent.

The organisers are said to be determined that the festival will reflect “what the people voted for” and they have put in meticulous planning to ensure that the Food, accommodation and all available facilities are separated along class lines.

With tickets priced accordingly, Platinum Elite club members will stay in luxury purpose build chalets, enjoy fine wines and waiter service, whilst viewing the acts from behind bullet proof glass.
For the majority of the festival goers, who organisers envisage will come from the ordinary people, the ground troops or grunts as Mr Cummings calls them, they will be able to enjoy freshly dug unisex latrines or piss pits as they are referred to, beer tents with a cleared area for fist fighting and hundreds of stalls selling everything from jellied eels and Pork scratching to Chicken Gizzard pie and blind stew like granny used to make. It is understood that a number of the Prime Ministers ex girlfriends are applying for grants from the Arts council in order to capture the franchise rights to the food and drink concessions.

Mr Cummings is promising that security will be top of his list, but provided with a soft touch, a small S and will be provided by Tommy Robinson’s new Government sponsored security company,EDL Security Inc,of which Mr Cummings is also a director.

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2019 by

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