Microsoft introduce death threat template to Word


Grammar Nazis are welcoming the news that death threats issued by actual Nazis will soon be correctly spelt and with fewer redundant words after Microsoft announced a new Death Threat template to the latest version of Microsoft Word.

A spokesman explained; “When a user starts to type a death threat, the software will ask, ‘Are you irrationally angry and want to threaten someone who tells you things that you wish weren’t true?’ They click, tap or headbutt ‘yes’ and the software does the rest; changing to a new ‘cut out newspaper’ font called SHOUT, bright green text colour and turning on caps lock, or on their keyboard, upper-nutcase.”

Mr Tommy Jerky, lately of Clacton, speaking from his cell explained how the template would have helped him.

“When my death threats were passed round the court, I felt so embarrassed; ‘You’ll end up Ded’ contained an obvious misspelling, but it’s also a sentence fragment. You don’t understand the difficulties; trying to find the right words to cut out of a newspaper, unless it’s the Daily Mail; it’s only in retrospect that I thought of using transcripts of Boris Johnson’s speeches.”

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2019 by

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