DUP ‘Our support for new Brexit proposals has not been bought so it hasn’t’


Having won tacit approval at this stage from The DUP for Boris Johnson’s proposals on Ireland’s borders when Britain exits the EU, everyone is now waiting to see the nature and the size of bribe the anti-gay and anti same-sex marriage party has been promised for its support.

A press release issued this evening from the DUP states they have scheduled a media briefing to be held at its new Maldives HQ on Friday to clarify its position, and that it will not be commenting any further at this stage.

Speaking from Belfast International Airport as she boarded her brand new personal First Minister’s Learjet en route to carry out a fact-finding mission on retail initiatives in Barcelona, Arlene Foster said: ‘Be assured that the DUP’s support for this proposal has not been bought. And have we crossed what we have stated were previous red lines over these proposals? No we definitely haven’t so we haven’t.’

And one of Mrs Foster’s colleagues, Sammy Wilson, was quick to agree. Speaking from behind the wheel of a new Ferrari Daytona sports car, bedecked in a selection of heavy gold chains with three sovereign rings on each hand and snugly wrapped-up in a designer car coat fashioned from Ocelot Fur he said: ‘So we’ve been bought off, have we? Ach away and catch yerself on will ye.’

‘Here, look at the time, yiz’ll have to excuse me as I have a diner engagement where Heston Blumenthal has agreed to cook me and Nigel Dodds a ten-course tasting menu, and sure it would be rude to miss it. Now wouldn’t it?’

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Posted: Oct 3rd, 2019 by

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