Fashion experts have confirmed what was long known by the Nazgul and members of the SS, that wearing black and attacking defenceless Hobbits, makes you look slim. A multicoloured spandex body suit may signal your character is a goodie but does it hide your fat ankles? [read...]
After it was found in an Oxford secondhand bookshop, NewsBiscuit has successfully acquired the exclusive rights to serialise diary extracts from the teenage PM’s time as a student at Eton College. Michaelmas Term 1977 Monday October 3rd Got in a spot of hot water today after touching-up Matron when I went for my School Medical…. [read...]
The Prime Minister has warned that the EU is poised to launch compulsory coffee, croissants and dubious cold meats upon the unsuspecting British breakfast. In her conference speech, Mrs May alleged that Jean Claude Juncker is planning to impose strong coffee and in some cases threaten prosciutto or prosecution for breakfasts that do not comply with European Smoked Pork Regulations. [read...]
Brexit developments over the coming weeks are to be distilled into an easy to-digest one-hour show, accompanied by atmospheric helicopter shots of borders in the sea, regular cutaways to eyebrow raises from Karen Brady, and with the usual cast of clueless hopefuls operating out of a historic London House. [read...]
