As the cynical Tory General Election vote-buying giveaway gathers pace, it’s understood Boris Johnson will soon announce top business people and public figures, who pay tax at the very highest rates, will be given free grants to defend sexual allegations made against them.
Speaking to our Political Correspondent Mr Johnson said: “Now look here, I think important chaps who have a eye for the fillies have been coming under fire and that’s just simply all wrong.”
‘It’s getting to the stage were a fellow can’t touch-up a bit of top totty without her crying “foul” a few years later, and of course this is quite bothersome for said chap, and I don’t have to tell you what it costs to brief a legal eagle these days, eh?’
‘Therefore, if perhaps a CEO or maybe even, let’s say a Mayor of London, is accused of an illicit fumble or grope under the table then it’s only right the state should help him out. We’ve got blimmin’ bagfuls dosh sloshing around now we’ve made it a dashed lot harder for plebs to get legal aid, so we might as well spend it. You know, use it or lose it?’
However cynics have been quick to point no further than Mr Johnson himself suggesting that the move is purely for his own benefit as he has been bedeviled by allegations of sexual misconduct and widespread philandering over the years.
But he immediately denied the allegations. ‘That is simply not true. In actual fact it’s well known that I’m a serial monogamist, and what’s more… phwoah! My giddy aunt!… would you look at the headlamps on that!’