A man who insists on saying that he is pimping up various elements of his everyday life is actually just changing one very small component, often in quite a pedestrian and boring fashion, it has been revealed.
Pete Malone, 36, claims to friends to have done some ‘serious pimping’ on his regular lunchtime pasta and tomato sauce, giving it the ‘ultimate makeover’ with the help of his new Bullet food blender, when in reality he just added a few bits of dried chilli from his spice cupboard.
Pete also claims to have pimped his exercise regime after reading Men’s Health, ‘supercharging’ his workout with a few ‘cheeky tweaks’, when in reality he has put in 5 extra press ups.
‘He said we would be stoked by his pimping of a PowerPoint presentation on the last quarter sales figures’, said Mike, a work colleague. ‘Actually he’s just put in a piece of clip art on slide 3 and used the curtain-closing animation at the end of the presentation. I feel like I want to ‘pimp’ my anger management by slapping Pete in the face with a bluefin tuna.’
Pete has confirmed that going forward he is planning to undertake various basic activities ‘like a pro’, even though he has no formal qualifications or certifications in food preparation, house cleaning or money-saving.