A Downing Street insider complained today that since Dominic Cummings has arrived, the behaviour of many government ministers is becoming naughtier and naughtier, as they strive to outdo each other in a bid to impress the new leader of the gang.
All the lads now lie constantly, said the insider, it’s as if telling the truth would make them seem weaker in from of the other members of the gang, we have just about given up on them, all we get are sullen looks and a muttered, “I’m not a grass”.
Stephen Barclay, who has always been an annoyingly flash little oik was showing off on the Andrew Marr show today, giving what he thought were very clever answers to Andrew’s questions, which had the rest of the cabinet sniggering and making shadow puppets on the screen.
The Prime Minister again, trying to look like a hard case in front of Dominic, has announced that even if the Queen orders him to resign, he’s going to lock himself in Downing Street and hold his breath until he goes blue. He says the Police can come and get him, that he’s not frightened of the fuzz.
On top of that, we have other ministers trying to get Nigel Farage to disrupt all the EU meetings. They know Nigel likes a drink, so he’s quite likely to start singing silly songs, shouting out and calling EU ministers insulting names before drawing willies on all his paperwork.
Even as the spokesman was speaking, Rees-Mogg, Gove and Leadsom came running in, pushing and shoving and laughing hysterically, they had spent the afternoon tearing up and down Westminster, ringing doorbells and running away.