In response to the country being narrowly split, 2% to 98% in favour of helping the environment, the Prime Minister has promised to take back control of our weather systems. His current proposal is a Clexit, whereby the UK would be in a position to make its own oxygen, ozone and strike trade deals with dolphins.
There would be no need for a hard border in Ireland, as Northern Ireland would be submerged under five foot of glacial flood water. Plus, no one can meddle with British fisheries, if we have no fish.
Mr. Johnson has set an ambitious deadline of destroying the environment before Brexit – which only gives him at least 10 years. In what is seen as a veiled criticism of those who would like to Remain in the environment, Boris said he would not rule out a Hard-Clexit, where we leave the Earth’s eco-system; which involves packing the UK into a series of non-recyclable carrier bags and shooting it into space.
The Green Party have warned that a Clexit is unrealistic but, worse still, it would leave them with nothing to do. Meanwhile Jo Swinson and the Lib Dems have said they will simply revoke all environmental damage by holding their breath – indefinitely.