STORYLINE: As Dark Winter approaches, follow the adventures of Borys, Pryme Mynister in the House of Comyns, in his epic battle with Donuld Tuskmeister from EUssos. Each one lashes out with their dragon tongue to inflict blame and suffering on the other.
[SPOILER: George RR Martin has not written any ending to this novel, and each chapter of blame-filled invective is actually just a photocopy of the one before, hastily stapled to the back of the latest edition. The film version is also expected to run on a loop until the last of the audience either leave or expire.]
TRIVIA: Much of the real-life setting for this fantastic invention is in Northern Ireland. The producers are believed to have invested over £1,000,000,000 (yes, that’s nine fusking zeroes!) in the province. That’s just over £530 for every man, woman and cuddly little babby. So far the money has produced nothing except a smile on the face of the middle-aged female rapper, R Lene.
GOOFS: The character of Borys necessitates the actor wearing a grotesque latex suit to provide an appropriately hideous appearance. However, in many scenes the actor who is actually controlling the speech and movements of the Borys (Dominic Cumming – uncredited) can be seen standing alongside the suit as if they were actually two separate characters.
CRITICS RATING: 0/10
Image credit: Brandy Snap