Rees-Mogg to tackle unemployment among seven-year-olds

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Having landed the handy number of Leader of the House, and therefore with very little else to do to get his day in but ponce about Westminster and scare small children, the sepulchral Jacob Rees-Mogg has been asked by Boris Johnson to brainstorm a new scheme that will see up to 95% of all children over the age of seven holding down weekend job by this time next year.

Mr Rees-Mogg said: ‘I am delighted to have been asked to help create this simply splendid initiative.  Today’s children are missing out on so many life skills by not engaging in paid work as early as possible so this is a most wonderful opportunity for them to learn.’

‘The new compulsory scheme will see young people required to register themselves “available for work at weekends” and after an assessment interview they will be given three work placement choices, one of which they must accept or run the risk being taken into care.’

It’s understood that already there has been considerable interest in the scheme from several market sectors, with the chimney sweeping, fish-gutting and sweatshop tailoring trades all keen to cooperate in giving youngsters a proper start.

‘We’re not sure if we will be able to secure payments at national minimum wage levels, but even if it’s around £0.15p per-hour, then at least they’ll be earning some pocket money, whilst in some small way helping to help make Britain great once again,’ added Mr Rees-Mogg.

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Posted: Oct 16th, 2019 by

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