Boris Johnson has agreed that the best thing for Britain, will be for it to be hermetically sealed until this Brexit debacle is over – optimistically sometime in 3011. The sum of all British culture will be concealed in one tea caddy and which, ironically, will just be a collection of actual tea bags.
Large swathes of the country will be placed in airtight glass containers, with the strict instruction that no one farts. While Michael Gove will be put in his own personal wheelie bin – just because.
A digital lock will count down until the release date, with an additional ‘snooze’ option, should the UK fancy a lie in. Once released, citizens will be able to enjoy all benefits of a post-Brexit UK but with none of the hardships of the period of transition – so 1972, basically.
The actual location of main time capsule is unknown but, suspiciously, the Blue Peter garden has recently been dug up. The UK will be sealed with a range of polyymers and this is thought to be the first time that Boris has ever worn a rubber. A spokeswoman said: ‘Putting Britain in a time capsule has worked before – have you seen the Isle of Wight?’