Imaginary computer problems were today revealed as the nation’s go-to alternative to admitting a total lack of work on company timesheet programs, according to a survey.
The category beat off strong challenges from Holidays, Sickness and Training to land the top spot in a survey of over 1200 bored office workers. ‘Downtime’ came in at a distant ninth place, behind options like Jury Service and Compassionate Leave.
‘IT issues is a natural choice’, said shipping clerk Darren Curtis, 24. ‘Evidently I had 16 hours of them last week, with just a modest – and believable – 30 minutes spent doing nothing, although if asked I obviously spent this time pestering people to give me more work.’
Darren says it’s easy to see the appeal of a generic ‘IT issues’ being used by desk jockeys as a substitute for coming clean and admitting that they idly fart about on the internet for much of the working week. ‘Let’s face it, a PC playing up doesn’t exactly stretch credibility. There’s so much that can go wrong – complex things, difficult to prove things. Whereas you can’t realistically put three hours down to ‘holiday’ or ‘paternity leave’. And ‘compassionate leave’ is right out of the question for me – I’ve already lost both sets of grandparents two or three times.’
Puzzled bosses are at a loss to explain why timesheet analysis shows 20% of a typical company’s workforce experiencing IT issues at any given time. ‘You’d expect that would result in IT departments having to work flat out, but our analysis shows that they seem to suffer tech problems as much as anyone else. Although there was a marked increase in ‘doctor’s appointments’ amongst this group of workers, and looking at some of them you can understand why.’