25 years after the hit movie, Back to the Future, scientists at CERN have discovered time travellers from the real future have already made a prequel to the film, which was secretly released ten years before the 1989 original, but vanished, due to its own illogicality.
Experimental physicist Professor Mike Smythe commented: ‘Back to the Future – 0’ directed by the yet to be born Phyllis Smithers, features some amazing predictions, many of which have or will come true, including ‘cordless’ phones, frozen food, Gareth Bale and Shake n Vac. One key prediction will be and was that a quite unremarkable film from 1989 would enjoy an undeserved revival, so that crap hacks can bang on about hoverboards, Deloreans and the Smash potato advert, when they should be writing about the real future which will be the end of humanity due to war and climate change and is predicted to happen just after the next Bond movie but one.’
Professor Smythe continued: ‘What these movies show without doubt is that time is not, as we have always considered it, a continuum of events measured by mechanical devices and dictated by planetary functions. It’s more of an invisible blue substance with a texture like egg custard, in the shape of a Mobius doughnut, some of it as big as a double decker bus.’
Meanwhile Bill Murray, the star of hit movie Groundnut Day has announced a new version of the film in which an allergic TV reporter is forced to vomit again and again until he appears to die a tragic death. Then he wakes up, accidentally eats peanuts and the same thing happens. The new film will be identical to the original except everyone will look older.