Specialist police officers, trained in advanced narcissism combat techniques, have been deployed to the balcony of Reading’s Hexagon Theatre, as the Piers Morgan standoff enters its fifth day but shows no sign of being resolved any time soon.
After taking to the stage at 8.00pm on Saturday to perform his one-man show An Evening With a True Legend, the disgraced tabloid editor, axed US TV talk show host, tawdry talent competition judge and now GMB anchorman has been on-stage for over 110 hours, reportedly after having deviated from his intended programme to start riffing on his ‘unique and very inner circle relationship’ with US President Donald Trump.
Speaking from her London home Morgan’s GMB co-host Susanna Reid said: ‘Wow! He’s still on-stage? Really? Although it doesn’t actually surprise me. Because once he gets onto Trump he never fecking well shuts up. He drives us mad on GMB with “Donald Trump this… me and the President that… on-board Airforce One… when I won The Apprentice…” yaddada yaddada yaddada! What a twenty-four carat twat he is.’
It’s understood that yesterday a marksman armed with a rifle and several tranquilizer darts actually had Morgan in his cross hairs but was stood down, after lawyers for puffed-up blowhard gammon claimed that ‘to take their client out would be a violation of his human rights.’
Meanwhile a Twitter poll started on Good Morning Britain today in Morgan’s absence is currently showing 99.98% – 0.02% in favour of ‘Dumping the chump’.