Plastic banknotes ideal for stuffing mattresses

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Millions of elderly people are withdrawing their pension funds for cash, because the new plastic banknotes are unattractive to rodents, it has emerged. Previous issues of banknotes were favoured by rats and mice during economic downturns, when leftover food was scarce, but the new plastic versions offer little food value and tend to be ignored by rodents, the investigation found.Pest control officers add that plastic is equally unattractive to bed bugs and dust mites, and so the new banknotes make an ideal, hygienic mattress stuffing.

There is also a mounting body of evidence that having your wealth in your mattress protects vulnerable people against scammers. ‘I had my savings accounts cleaned out three times by fraudsters,’ said 85-year-old Eileen Cole of Ipswich, ‘but since I put everything in my mattress, the bastards find nothing.
“I sleep better in the knowledge that scammers are now obliged to pay my bank’s overdraft fees.’

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2019 by

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