Plane boarding times cut by 10% by banning idiots who take too long

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The frustration of waiting for someone to put their bag in an overhead locker may soon be over if a trial to get rid of disorganised dickhead passengers who take an age to get themselves seated is successful.

Authorities at Gatwick Airport said that they have been working with EasyJet to try to minimise boarding delays caused by the Jenkinson family who always stand in the aircraft aisle having a massive argument about who gets the window seat. The same family then unpack all their cabin baggage to look for Mrs Jenkinson’s travel pillow, then try to add Mr Jenkinson’s jacket in when re-packing only to find it won’t fit, and then take their seats in the wrong row causing yet more disruption when they are inevitably asked to move.

Different boarding strategies for the Jenkinsons have been tried but whether they are seated at the front, the rear or the middle of the cabin, and whether they are boarded first or last, they always manage to increase the total boarding time by about 10%. The solution that has been identified is radical but is believed to be the only one that will work: to ban the Jenkinson family from the flight.

‘We are now working on methods to identify them at check-in,’ said a spokesman. ‘They are usually the ones that also take an age to check in. They have never packed their bags themselves, have always left them unattended at some point, are always carrying something for someone else and always have sharp items in their hand baggage.’

The research has also revealed that there is at least one Jenkinson family on every flight.

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Posted: Nov 1st, 2019 by

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