Mike Byrne, 47, is insistent, that despite having had his wages frozen for the last ten years, he will still be opting for Boris Johnson to steal his pension and sleep with his wife. Not content with being miserable and afraid, Mr. Byrne would like to sign up to four more years of the same, but with the added promise of explicit, naked photographs of Iain Duncan Smith.
‘My wife thinks I’m a glutton for punishment, but I won’t be satisfied until the NHS is privatised, James Corden is knighted and our front door is being repeatedly slammed on my genitals,’ said Byrne. Boris Johnson has set out a bold manifesto, pledging to redefine the phrase ‘rock bottom’. By 2020 every UK citizen will have a 2-3 full time jobs, a rented property they can not afford and season ticket to the nearest food-bank. Byrne added: ‘ I don’t like homeless people freezing to death and children living in poverty, but if you’re going to do it, at least do it properly.’