Manchester United star Paul Pogba has started the run up for his next spot kick, sources confirmed today. Based on the most up-to-date analytics, experts expect the next penalty for Man United to be awarded in the 44th minute of the team’s Boxing Day fixture against Arsenal. This will be the moment when fans can look forward to seeing Pogba connect tentatively with the ball placed on the spot by a teammate, nearly two months after turning away from it and beginning his lonely walk.
Announcing to manager Jose Mourinho that he may be some time, Pogba set off on his expedition today from United’s Carrington training ground, on a journey that will see him take in 3 continents, 7 modes of transport including the Trans-Siberian railway, during which he will rack up an impressive 2,300 miles before striking the ball.
Speaking from the foot passenger queue at Dover ferry port, with just a 20lb backpack for company, Pogba said that fans – and the Arsenal goalkeeper – could track his progress over the coming weeks on the Man Utd App but that he would be keeping a few tricks up his sleeve. ‘After my 63 steps at the weekend, goalies may think they can spot a pattern, but I’m not going to let everyone know exactly when I’m going to turn, obviously’ said Pogba. This, despite a quick-witted photographer posting a picture on Instagram clearly showing a bus ticket hanging out of the Frenchman’s back pocket, dated 18th November from a village near the foot of the Ural Mountains.
‘I’ll probably slip in a trademark little shimmy and stutter near the Trevi fountain too, just to keep the goalie honest’, continued Pogba. ‘And there’s this big aircraft hangar a few miles outside Krakow where I’ll do that thing where you look one way and feign to kick the ball the other’.
None of Pogba’s team mates were available for comment today, although activity watch manufacturer Fitbit are thought to want to speak to him urgently to offer him a lucrative sponsorship deal.