Ronald McDonald faces sack after admitting to tryst with Hamburgular


McDonald’s clown Ronald McDonald is facing the prospect of being fired by the restaurant chain after admitting to a consensual encounter with related burger mascot The Hamburgular.

The liason, which took place behind the bins at McDonald’s, Chorley, contravened McDonald’s company policy, which states that romantic relationships between representatives of the brand are strictly forbidden, while romantic relationships between kitchen staff and their hands during food preparation is ‘frowned upon’. Ronald later admitted to the encounter with the career criminal, describing it as a ‘moment of madness’.

Ronald McDonald ascended to the upper levels of the burger chain in the 1950’s, determined to prove that a pasty skin, oversized feet and a penchant for turning up a children’s birthday parties need not be an obstruction to success. His time at the top has featured a drive to use more technology in restaurants, eventually allowing all job applications to be texted.

The Hamburgular, however, entered a life of crime early on after his 25-a-day hamburger habit led to increasingly audacious criminal activities, only hampered by his insistence on wearing an outlandish burglar outfit from a costume shop. He eventually began working for the chain on an ad-hoc basis to aid alimony payments to several past wives and child support for a string of illegitimate children. A known jail-bird, he has spend many years at Mayor McCheese’s pleasure, and once even faced the gallows under McDonaldland’s harsh penal code, though famously extended his stay of execution by several weeks after requesting a Filet-o-Fish as his final meal.

This is just one of a recent wave of breeches of conduct among food mascots after Colonel Saunders admitted to an on-off relationship with The Burger King and Mr Wimpy was released from his day job as a Tower of London Beefeater after being caught in a well-known cruising spot with Five Guys.

A spokesperson for the company confirmed that Ronald’s position in the firm is ‘under review’, though admitted that in the event of him being replaced, the company would have ‘big shoes to fill’.

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2019 by

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